I went to bed super early last night with the hope of waking up before the littles this morning and forcing myself to be that "Happy moring Mom." I should have known it was a lost cause from the begining...

I am NOT a morning person. No matter what time I go to bed, no matter what tricks I try to play on my mind, I just can't achieve that June Cleaver-happy chipper- morning mom attitude. With all that aside, my plan was tanked before it even started. 

5am, That time of day when most things are still snuggled down in their layers of warmth and dreaming, I was awake. I was pulled from my slumber by a tiny whisper coming from down the hall. At first I thought I imagined it. I looked over at the clock 5:00am. Surely I imagined it because not even my kids wake up THAT early. 6am yes, 5am no way...

The tiny ghostly voice was calling out again "Mommy...Mommy I'm scared...Mommy"  Slap to the forehead. Dad finally did what he has been threatening to. He shut off the Christmas tree night light that they have refused to give up since the beginning of December! How could my wonderful, loving husband have done something so horrific! The answer to that was simple, he was naive to think his children would be ok waking up in a dark room and going back to sleep without cuddles. It's not his fault, they have him wrapped around their little fingers and he doesn't realize it yet. Kids are tricky, that's why they have to do those sweet loving things that melts our heart and makes us forget the 100 other horrible things they did just prior to that sweet one. They have got "survival of the fittest" down!

Anyway back to the 5am voice floating down the hallway... First instinct: call down the hallway telling them it's not morning yet and go back to sleep. Yep, that was a big fail. The tiny voice got louder and the other two children started to stir. Yep, no hope for it. I grabbed my pillow, throw blanket, and dragged myself down to the kids room. I crawled in with the little voice and told everyone it was still night time and not morning yet. Considering that the light from the early morning dawn was starting to show around the curtains, it was a really hard sell. 

I spent the next hour trying to get them to lay down, close their eyes, sleep just a little longer. Completely futile effort. I think the only thing that did was make me begrudge the morning even more. I should have just sucked it up and started the day. They would have gotten super cranky and the normal 4pm craziness would probably come around 2-3pm. Maybe they would have taken a nap. Yeah, ok, that was another one of those silly wishful thinking thoughts, but hey a mom can dream. The funny thing though, just because they weren't running around at 5am, they were still up and talking, so in essence I am probably looking at the day I described all the same. So I didn't change anything except in my own mind.

Why do we, as moms, do this to ourselves? It's not just me and every mom (I know) does it about something at some time or another. We play it all out in our heads. We can see how it will all go down (in our fantasy dream day... which is so far from reality). I blame the internet. We see all these wonderful and awesome things kids and families are doing. We hear all day long people bragging about their wonderful children. In reality those are only moments and snapshots of a very small portion of their day. Guess what, I have those great, wonderful moments throughout the day too but they are not the full picture.

I don't know if I will ever convince myself to be that happy morning mom. Honestly, by the time I do, the triplets would probably be preteens and not getting up until after 9am lol. This isn't just about being a happy mom in the mornings, this is about my deep seeded struggle with trying to be the perfect mom and wife. Yes, I know there is no such thing, but I have an image in my head of what that means for me and I play out a day in her life in my head at night. Then my next day starts and it's not like the day in my head. Some parts yes, but others are the life stuff that intrudes and alters the plot line. 

How did I end up this super organized, playing days out in my head, morning hating, time watching, control freak, crazy mom? It started with necessity when the triplets were little. I know this, but how did it become such an ingrained habit that it's starting to become a permanent resident in my personality? I know my chaotic, hippie loving side is still there because it pokes out quite often.

The big question is: How do I squash the crazy mom and let out the spontaneous hippie mom full force again?

Once I figure this out, I am sure I won't be so frustrated. I think I could even love the sunrise. I know the husband would be happier and maybe the kids would do less WWE and more ... well more of anything that doesn't involve body slams or pinning to the ground. 

It's a crazy life but it's my crazy life. I have wonderful, smart, creative kids. I have a husband that adores me, loves me, and helps around the house! The only problem is in my head, how crazy is that ;)